I've actually just taken the time to read my final blog last October. Wow. The disappointment is almost palpable~ screaming at me from the screen. So why am I doing this again? In fact I did say there in black and white that I didn't think competition was for me. My personality type. But I was wrong. I know who I am. I know what motivates me. I have just spent two glorious weeks in New Zealand where it became obvious to me that I have little regard for injuring myself and secretly believe that I am physically unbreakable. God gave me this crazy strong body~ it would be almost rude not to use it. Mentally, I learnt so much from my competition. I know where my weaknesses lie. I know I'm stronger than I ever dreamed. Emotionally....that's the kicker. I'll pretty much do anything to avoid emotional pain. I am the master of breaking my own heart and coping is actually more like...ignoring. Until I find something better, that will have to do! Because more than anything, I want to do this again. I want to achieve different things this time. I want to do it for my own sense of last year not being just a one hit wonder. Do swimmers or runners give up just because they didn't win their first race? I think not!
I'm two weeks into my next comp prep and can I just say, I'm feelin' pretty damn fine. Yuh~ decisions have been made and lines have been drawn. Just like last time my goal is world domination.....yes, it's a work in progress~ this time let's see if we can't make it happen. Worst case scenario~ I get another $5 trophy. (This time it should be noted I am going with a federation that gives everyone a trophy~ rather cunning on my part, no?)
A little bit more on the serious side, just in case anyone who actually wants to compete bothers to read this, I'd like to talk about what it was like post~comp. Because nobody tells you how hard that part is. You spend four months focused on your goal and creating this perfect as possible body, then over night~ it's gone. I did read some article in Oxygen magazine that advised that you may feel depressed or a bit lost without something to put your focus on post~comp and I did take all that on board. I chose to move my business the week before my comp so I would be forced to throw myself into work once I'd finished. No biggie.
Ah problem~ huge biggie. I didn't realise how much loosing my rig would affect me. I actively avoided looking in mirrors. I was almost frightened by my thoughts of self loathing. I felt like Iwas loosing my mind and gaining an eating disorder. How is it that I eat fruit and regain my "unit" status overnight, and my friends remain petite and gorgeous while smashing the beers and 2am kebabs? Oh the inhumanity!! I carb cycled my way out but felt like I had instant back fat and jelly belly. It wasn't instant but it is definately there and even now that I've stopped crucifying myself at every turn, I'm hugely disappointed that it made a come back. After all the bitching that my boobs were the size of fried eggs, they too came back with avengence and I was horrified that with the developement of my pecs~ none of my clothes fit the way they used to. And my bloody boobs are doing their best to squash the life out my lungs. Where before I revelled in my lightness of being, now I feel the weight of my centre of gravity.
Even though I kept training during my off season, I felt so nervous coming into the gym on my Day 1! I felt like all eyes were on me and whisperer's were whispering "Oh my God~ she's let herself go!" Silly Kia~ I don't really believe that anyone paid the slightest bit of attention to me, but my blush was still there all the same.
So what am I hoping to achieve this time? Well...AB's might be a great place to start! Last year I had insane obliques and this weird looking flat plate where my 6 pack should have been. Also~ let's get a bit of lift to that junk in my trunk and lean down these cyclists thighs, shall we? If I can get these 3 things in order, I'll be so stoked. I've decided to get my beautiful original suit fixed so that I can wear it this time. Fingers crossed that will be possible. I'm kinda hoping I pull up even leaner this time.
I'm competing in INBA this year and I'm pretty excited about it. The federation is part of the Drug testing Federation and I've seen on the site that athletes who produce positive tests get named and shamed~ and banned anywhere from 3years to life . It's shit scarey~ there are a lot of things on the official list and you have to be really careful with your supplimentation choices~ just because you can get something over the counter doesn't mean it's legal for natural competitors. I like the integrity in that. AND I get a trophy just for turning up! I'm actually off to get blood tests done tomorrow. Not that I feel like anything is wrong and last year I didn't take anything to create a problem, but hormones are crazy things and before I get in too deep this time, I'd like to make sure that my thyroid, iron and sugar levels are all A~OK.
We now have two fridges. Luke's fridge....and Kia's/ Luke's beer fridge. I am a vision of portional organisation. The tupperware food towers on the shelves make me happy. It also makes me happy not to have to look at all the food I can't eat in "Luke's" fridge! I literally started dieting the day I got from New Zealand. Do you remember how depressed I felt in the first few weeks last year? As I came off my carb high I could feel my body having to adjust to it's new energy source. I actually felt the day when I stopped running on reserves and started utilising the food I was putting in. Almost like the flick of a switch. Facinating, no? The body is a freaking amazing thing! No depression this time, but that first week there were plenty of pursed lips and slitty eyed glances where before there would have been cheeky grins and snorts of laughter. Happily we are back to giggleville, peppered with unsympathised moments of groaning as I shuffle from the couch to my bed....it's going to be a long four months!
Fourteen weeks to go and counting. I might not be freaking out at every turn like I was last time, but I'm hoping this ride is just as wild as the last! I think I'm still lucky to have so many people cheering me on, interested in my progress. One of my most favourite clients and serious mentors said to me just before I started this again~ as I was weighing up the pro's and con's, "Everyone always thinks the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. The grass is greener, Kia, where you choose to water it."
