11 WEEKS OUT....I'M A POSER NOW.

Last week didn't go as badly as I thought it would. I went all out on the cardio and managed to smash away that extra two kilos with pure sweat and, yes, a few tears. Lesson learnt and 'nuff said~ time to move on. Tuesday I drove out with trepidation to meet the woman who was going to make me look fabulous on stage. I''m not going to lie. I will answer to the call of the 'Roughy Toughy Princess". As much as I love being kickarse, I also like to play with my hair and prance about in ridiculously high heels. So I was pretty excited that I was going to be able to design what I wanted. She swung open the door and led me to the lycra and sequinn mecca. 'Here' she said as her squinted eyes cruised over my body. 'This is your size, try it on.' I was about to ask how she knew but thought better of it. She was intimidating in stature to say the least......actually I was a little bit frightened! I held up the tiny triangles of spandex, dubious I would even get into it. Trying to make light of it I put it on and went with a flourish~ TAH DAH!!! She deadpans me. 'You have the bums on back to front.' Mortified, I wriggle them off apologising I didn't realise butt floss had a front and back. Silly me. Hallelujah, this got a smile and I can now say I am the proud owner of my very own gorgeous butt floss bikini! Yah! Can't wait to accessorize!
Wednesday morning is what I had truely been dreading. Posing practise with Kylie. I thought she'd take one look at me and know everything I'd eaten the sunday before! So we put on our big girl shoes and I watch as she slinks across the floor and glides through a series of poses. Meh~ doesn't look so hard. I have skill. I have grace. I have agility. We begin with my relaxed pose, the one I'm supposed to stand in while waiting to be told what to do on stage. Relaxed my ARSE. Painful is the only way to describe it. "Flare your lats, stand to the side....maybe the other side is your better one. Twist. A little more. Drop that back knee NO keep the front one straight. Ram that fist into your non~ existant waist line, keep your other hand soft. Now flex everything and SMILE." Holy snappin' duckshit, Batman. I rapidly forgot the skill, grace and agility and became keenly aware of my Spondylothesis (that's a spinal deformity for you plebs). Within minutes I sweating and trembling and wondering how the hell I was going to pull this off. One word. Practise. I shall harness my Yogi skills of contortionism and look at the posing as challenging asana. Hopefully the next 11 weeks will produce a vision more of elegance and less of Kung Fu panda.
Of course I am now catching myself checking my look in the mirror! How embaresssssssing!!! HAHAHA! I was working my triceps the other day and there I am watching them flex in the mirror. SHAME!
Other than that, there have been no more lapses in dietry behaviour and I'm generally feeling pretty good. I did have one incident that I like to call the 'No Carb Crazies'. I came back to my car after going to Woolies and hit the unlock button. I heard the locks' familiar click and tugged on the door. Locked. A group of guys parked in the space next to me. I press the button again. Click. Tug on door. Locked. Colour rising in face now as guys get out of car and watch as I press, click, press, click. "Auuuurgh. Why the fuck won't you open?" Yes the car is a cherry red hatchback. It's just not MY cherry red hatchback. MY car is parked three cars down. SHHHHHHHAAAAAAAME!!!!