9 WEEKS OUT~ IT'S BEEN......EMOTIONAL.

Have you ever experienced that awkward moment when you realise you are the subject of the "Hot or Not" debate? It's a bit shit really. As I walked into the change rooms last week I overheard three girls talking, "Her veins are gross, man. Popping out all over the place!". "Yeah, but her arms and back look amazing...". Voices trail and eyes slide to the floor as I walk to the lockers. That's when I realise they're talking about me. Wow. My face starts to burn and I realise both statements are true. Over the last couple of weeks I've really started to cut in on my upper body. Everything ripples. I can see the muscle striation across my chest and deltoids. And yeah~ my back looks amazing. Buuuuut~ I have veins everywhere~ even across my belly. It's kinda gross and kinda cool at the same time. I'm very aware I'm loosing my Princess factor. Bra's with underwire have become a distant memory. In fact I reakon pretty soon I'll just whack a couple of bandaids over the nips and be done with it. Hmmmph. That local tit guy is looking better and better...freaky kneecap eyebrows and all. Or I could just suck it up and realise that when I started out with this journey, it had an element of the experiemental to it. I was curious, more than anything to see what transformations could be made. The extraordinary adaptability of the human body. So~ sticks and stones, Bitches. As one of the footy lads told me when I relayed the story, "Kia, Haters gonna hate". Cliche but true.
Not much really changed last week training wise. I smashed my legs so bad on monday I had to cancel sprint training on wednesday and they didn't come right until sunday....I actually think I may have a little tear cause they were incredibly tight right from the very first leg press today. Combined with a massive back sesh and Adams' "ABS OF DEATH" I had my first week long full body ache. Lots of work and a lot more posing practice, I guess it's to be expected. Posing is getting better as I practice more. Tomorrow night to cheer myself up I'm going to go get my shoes to wear on stage. A pair of hot perspex 6"heels that are going to give the illusion that I'm walking on air as I strut my stuff and strike my poses. Bizaarly such fashion wonders are also favoured by strippers and sex workers so if you see me hovering around The Den tomorrow I swear  I am only there for the footwear. I probably won't even look at the Black Rabbit 2011 or spend time in the edible undie aisle just so I can check out the flavours of fruits I havn't been able to eat for the last two months. Yep. Definately just getting the shoes.
If he's looking down on me, I hope my friend Taurean is getting a giggle out of this. He probably would have come with me to assist in shoe selection if I had have had the chance to ask him. Taurean passed away last friday morning from an accidental overdose. My heart just aches that his life ended so suddenly. So shockingly. I got that call at 8am but had a day so full of work I just went into autopilot. It wasn't until the very last client was done and I was alone in my car that the tears could come. Taurean was such a lot of things to so many different people. To our circle of friends he was our, "Bub". No matter how much of a pain in the arse he could be ( he used to call me at least once a month at 3 in the morning, just to let me know he was "having the best night EVER"), like all crazy beautifuls, he was a lovable rogue and he will be sadly missed. Anyone who fails to sympathize due to the circumstances of his death all I can say is don't you dare judge someone on their weaknesses. Until you have walked in their shoes, you have no idea what tortures another has suffered.
So maybe this weeks blog can be less about me and my petty little angsts about this situation I have created for myself and my body and more about realising you get one shot. One shot to make your statement, however petite or grande is your choice. To live a life where you can be proud of your efforts and know that if it all ended tomorrow, you gave it 110%.
In loving memory of my friend, Taurean Pevreal. The boy with the ocean for his eyes and the sun for his smile. I will look for you in the moon, love always, your Miss.