5 Weeks Out~ Serious Applicants need only Apply

Well my whole training regime feels like it's turned a huge corner. So much so, I feel it is necessary to place an advertisment for a "PUSH HER OUT OF BED~ER~ER". The applicant must be:

• Willing to be woken up at 5am every morning
• Strong enough to give me a heafty shove that will make me clear the bed instantly~ kinda like ripping off a bandaid. Failure to do so will result in a viscious tug~of~war for the sheets and a written warning.
• Have the skills of a Ninja to ward off any suprise snap kicks to the head from me in the unlikely event I can actually coordinate one. It is infact far more likely you'll have time to make yourself a cup of coffee before my toe could find it's way off the ground, but it pays to be prepared, you know what I'm sayin'?
• Be able to apply Deep Heat effectively and responsibly....don't make me remind you to wash your hands and don't touch your face~ your screams shall only be met with open disdain of your apparent incompetence.
• Be just enough of a hard bastard to ignore my whimpers and sooks, but caring enough to check my headphones are in the right ears (Did you know they actually make them left and right styles? So many questions answered, right there.) and my hoodie is sitting just right before pushing me out into the cold and dark for my cardio.

Salary is crap, as I can only afford to pay you in protein powder, but my bed is fabulous~ probably the best you'll ever sleep in and I have 1000 count sheets. I don't snore and I am so exhausted I can just about guarentee I won't even try to spoon let alone do the crocodile roll with the doona. Like the title says~ serious applicants need only apply. You can do so in writing either here or on my facebook page. Applications close midnight tomorrow~ he with the best shoving skills....wins.

These are the stairs of death.....this is the awesome view from the top. Reward enough, I think!

So it might come as some suprise to you all that, yes, I am infact single. I KNOW!... I wake up sometimes and think, "Shit. How the hell did I end up here by myself?".  Normally I don't even really mind, but just lately, a strong shoulder to lean on would come in pretty handy. I remember when I very first decided to do this and I rang one of my oldest, most loved friends to tell her.  Her reaction wasn't quite what I was expecting....there was a bit of silence....then a whisper, "Oh my God, you're  never  going to get a husband". Now before you all go crazy~ the woman has a point. When I'm not training, I'm working. When I'm not doing either of those, I'm eating or sleeping. I have no boobs left, I'm not great at maintaining a conversation for longer than 5 minutes, and physically, I'm going to be better at just about everything than a dude because as yet, I havn't lost my womanly powers of multitasking. Yeah~ now I don't think that sounds so flash, do you? I think my friend was more concerned that I was getting into bodybuilding, not understanding that sculpting is something different entirely. I think I went off on this tangent though to make the point that as I have been a chunky monkey, I have been a normal and healthy weight and now I am going to spend the next 5 weeks really taking my body to the limit~ I really don't think how you LOOK determines how someone feels about you. Do you agree or am I being naive? I don't think so. I'm blessed to have a tonne of awesome male friends who love their women and treat them like they're gold and I look to their example for inspiration....there is hope for me yet!
Anyhoo~ back to my training. Everybody has seen the Rocky movie where he sprints up the stairs and does a little cheer for himself when he gets to the top, hey? Wednesday saw the beginning of my stair and sprint training. I actually LOVE this kind of training. Three months of stationary bike and stairmaster was starting to wear thin. So I wednesday I practically flew up those stairs, cheering myself each and every time I made it to the top. For the first set of ten, anyway.  The second set I had a stitch, I was really sweaty, my legs felt like lead on the way up~ jelly on the way down....and all I could manage was a feeble "Yay me" arms flailing wildly around my head. By the time the next morning arrived I was in 7 different kinds of pain~ none of them were fixed by Deep Heat, scalding epsom baths or gentle rub outs. Friday Adam text me and said we were doing another session. I actually was having difficulty putting my heels down to walk, but didn't want to look like a total sook, so off we went again! It never ceases to amaze me that it doesn't matter how hard I'm sucking in the big ones~ I'll always find the energy to give lip...when will I learn?
I also started a course of Bikram yoga as my high intensity work out. I actually did a few classes a couple of years ago when I was training to do the half marathon and it was a huge mistake. I am a yoga instructor now, so I see the error of my ways, but at the time I didn't realise how hypermobile I was making my joints and overstretching my hami's lead to a tear which has ruined my running for ever. So it was with a bit of trepidation that I once again embarked on this furnaced experience. To be honest I am just craving the heat. Whilst the permanent chill in my feet and hands has subsided with the coming of spring, at night time I still feel the icy hands of winter splaying over my back and permiating my kidneys. The first time I went I had this crazy little Japanese guy who stood on the instructors box, clapping madly and barking instructions like a drill sargeant. This time I had a lovely more ethereal lady teacher who made me feel less like I was being abused. The first time I went was at the old studio, where the carpet was drenched with previous classes sweat and tears. The stench slapped me in the face and sucked away my breathe before the 37degree heat did. As I lay down trying to stifle my gag reflex I was also bizaarly aware of the fact that although it reeked....it was actually also kinda sexy....I blame the trapped pheremones in the carpet. The second time~ new studio, new hypoallergenic carpet and far less pong. And I loved it! It makes me think of when I was a kid and you'd lie in the sun and watch it dance behind your eyelids, hear your blood rushing through your veins, feel the heat work it's way to your bones. There is such a sense of calm when you have the opportunity to lay down and "listen to the warm". I'm also stoked that my sweat flows like water. I have kept up with taking the repulsive Super Greens and all my other little lotions and potions so I'm happy that my system is so clean, there is no acrid smell. Did you know also, that when you start to burn protein (ie:muscle!!!) you're sweat can start to smell like amonia? That's something you should be aware of and maybe it will help to understand that while low intensity cardio is painful and boring as hell, if you work too hard, you're only going to detriment all that other hard work you just did smashing yourself with weights in the gym!
Diet wise~ lets get serious. I am upping the anti on my no carb days and coping ok, I will start dropping out so much of the red (beef and roo) meat and even chicken (won't miss it~ sooooo over it) and stick to mostly egg whites and white fish. Maybe now is a good time to start warning people of my inevitable absent-mindedness. I'm usually totally on the ball, but lately I have started to forget stuff. I'm feeling incredibly time~poor. It's a bit stink really, when you feel harrassed by your own life! HAHA! Not long to go now, peeps. The hard part is just beginning, but I'm also deliciously aware that I am on the downhill slide. It's a bitter sweet feeling to be honest! Buuuuuuut ~ BRING IT! I'M IN IT TO WIN! Woooooop!